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Arnold seldom left his cabin, so 'The Girls' were obviously the easier target. All this planning was for the slight chance someone would try.The fanatic assault that was the most likely scenario made Liam's advice wrong."The devil you say," the voice in my head replied. "I would grab them both kill or torture one of them inside the first couple of minutes. I would do that to prove I wasn't a pussy. Then I would demand money and transport out of there. I would make the demands with no delays allowed. Make you pukes improvise and not give you time to make a rescue plan." There will be two armed men with the women and two more outside the door watching the crowd. An IED in the crowd to either kill or distract the two crowd watchers and a quick assault on the guards who will not be wearing protection. I don't mean condoms either. It would be SOP in the heat and not wanting to draw attention to themselves." Now I have two dead inside and two dead or wounded outside. If not injured or busy. No secrets, no shame, no masks or half-truths. There was nothing that we could not explore, as long as we explored it together. After every session I always came away with a feeling of exhilaration, and a deeper understanding. The decision to separate was mine, and mine alone. It was an extremely hard decision, taken for entirely selfish reasons, when faced with a loss that I could not bear to contemplate – the loss of my children’s love and respect. In parting, I was not the least bit fair to her. I can still feel the pain that I caused her, and it gives me great pain as well. I now understand better why I made the choices that I did. I will never know whether there could have been a different way. I do know that after years of effort, the results are as I had hoped. Could I have done things differently? Perhaps. And maybe I would also somehow have emerged intact on the other side of the nightmare that I faced – different from today, but still whole. No one can ever really know ‘the.
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