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BOOM it hits me...i could dress up like a girl! but not how most boys do; hairy, still having a beard or stubble, exaggerated boobs, and whatnot. i could dress as a girl and be believable. dress as a famous person or something. so that it looks like i AM a girl dressing as another girl. my excitement is overwhelming. very intense butterflies fill me stomach. could i really pull it off? maybe even take a boy home... maybe suck a cock for the first time. no i couldnt it would be too difficult. cmon stay positive, i can do it and if i cant im going to damn well try. but i havent dressed in years, and my voice has become more deep. i still dont grow a full beard but there is plenty of hair on my face. obstacles obstacles...back in my teen days i did a little bit of crossdressing. i would wear my sisters clothes, most was too small even though she was older than me. her underwear were always my favorite! something about wearing sexy lace or a tiny g-string or even a pair of white plain. But I think I got the winning hand on her. That's good-- But I'm still thinking about---" I fade out.Sara says "Don't go there!"I start losing it again. Say to her "I still think I should be dead--Should've been dead long ago already."Sara shakes me out of it again.She says "Everything is going to be fine. Stop thinking that way!! Yourdepressing -- me damn it!" I can't" the tears are rolling now. I am fully lost in crying this out "I can't help it. I am not seeing anyways out here---okay?"Sara- shakes me. She tilts my face up to her's, then looks at me in theeyes "Look at me!---Your going to be okay!--You just need to get out ofthis hole in the ground! -- Get outside. Get to our school and you willstart fitting in real quick !-- I'm sure!!!---- I will be able to showyou some neat stuff. Gwen will too and if you can make up with Nikki??? I'm sure she'll help you out a lot --okay? There's a lot of peopleat school that are going love you-- okay?" she then gives me one ofthose.
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