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A cucumber departed and returned looking quite the worse for wear, its skin bruised and battered, its core reduced to a mushy pulp. Spring onions and chives were used as tenderising whips. The radishes were tied to string buried within a pink and pouting star, and pulled out both singularly and en masse. Even the mixed salad leaves got taken out and used as decorative foliage. Soon, all that was left was me and assorted squashes (the Jersey Royals having been used as some form of Ben Wa balls). It was obvious that the butternut squash was going last along with a substantial pat of butter that had been saved for the occasion, so the zucchini courgettes were sent in as pathfinders and cunt spreaders to bash their way remorselessly against the cervix wall. Which just leaves me. Sitting on the shelf. Alone in the cold and dark. Disregarded, unrequired and unloved. What, dearest agonising aunty, Ms Cumette Girl, is wrong with me. Yours in hope more than expectationGooseberry Fool, The. Suzette was in deep conversation with Frances, which was like taking out a full page add in the local newspapers. As soon as Suzette left, Frances gave us the scoop. Besides the video store at night, Suzette got a job at the P and B, a local strip club. She worked in the mornings from 6 AM to 10 AM cleaning the place and checking liquor inventory. I had been at the P and B and knew that the place was well kept and fairly classy for a strip club. Also, there were sufficient back rooms to keep the aggressive dancers and VIP clientele happy. P and B also had an amateur night on Tuesdays where some of the more adventurous wives and girlfriends, or singles could demonstrate their skills. All you had to do was sign up and show proof of age. My understanding was that you had to be a VIP Member to rent the back rooms on Tuesday nights, and not just an amateur dancer. But there was also an hourly rate motel with fantasy suites across the highway from P and B. I wondered if Suzette was planning.
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