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Just the substance of all of the ones before who chorded and then turned their backs and walked away and I wanted to scream at them I wouldn’t have done it to you…And the chords play under my fingers. Cum yet? Have I allowed myself time? Too fast? Too slow? Disinterested. Would he click off? What would I care? I care and I play the chords. And I think one fine day I will not be here, one fine day there will be a sun shine day that will not have me in it. I am going blind. My eyes are ‘fragile.’ I am not going blind. But my eyes are ‘fragile.’ I have to chord him. I have to say the oppression he gives me every few months or so are life for me, and I find happiness in his glumness, in his orchestration of me, now do it now, but I can’t, try try harder force yourself, and I want to scream and I am screaming at the chords I play, wondering which chord I have to hit to kill me, which cord I have to take from the organ keys and place it round my neck and pull hard and tight on the already. "You decent?" He said, laughing."Are you drunk?" Maybe a little. Can I talk to you for a few?"I grudgingly told him to come in. He flung himself down across my bed."Seriously Jessa, what happened on your date.?"I shrugged. I didn't want to tell him."You can tell me. Maybe I can give you advice."So I told him the whole story about touching my tits and trying to touch my crotch. He sat there quietly. After a few minutes he gave me a strange look."Jessa, older boys are gonna want to do stuff like that. They want to touch you and they like to fuck." I have never done that stuff Jack!!" I'm not being mean Jessa, just honest. High School and College boys want pussy. Period. This is gonna happen over and over." What are you saying Jack? I should just put out or give up? Why are they like that?" Well for starters you're pretty and have a good body for a 14 year old. I shouldn't say that but it's true. What are you afraid of? Being a Virgin isn't fun." I've never even kissed a guy. Not a real.
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