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He said only a beautiful woman could glide over the floor, swaying the way I did. He doesn’t say that anymore. I don’t know who I am these days. I look in my eyes in the mirror and try to see but they show me nothing. I cannot explain to Mark how much I hurt because I have caused him such deep pain. The shame of sleeping with another man is constantly on my mind, I can’t shake it. If there were some way of explaining to my husband, my love, how I truly feel, I would do it. He won’t listen to me though. I’m afraid I’ve hurt him too much. We haven’t talked much since that day when Mark walked out of the doctor’s office–just briefly, and about things to do for, or with, Alyssa. I don’t know what to say to him anyway. Doctor Jamison says I need to let my guilt slide away but I don’t know how to do that. I am guilty…guilty of cheating on Mark, and Alyssa too. My God, the memories of what I said to him the last night I was with that Brian haunt me day and night. I can’t sleep without. "Thanks, but I would rather he justhad a good time, and nothing more. He really seems like a nice guy, hejust has very different problems to deal with than we do," I replied."That might be, him being a good guy and all. But despite what you mayfeel you are still going to attract guys, even if your interests layelsewhere. You are starting to embrace who you are and I think you areonly going to get prettier from here on out. Like most girls once youare happy with who you are, it is going to show in how you act and thatis only going to add to your attraction," she added with a sympatheticsmile."Lidia thanks, that's really sweet of you. I think I will just be me,but I can see where guys might be attracted to me. I mean I do dressand do my makeup with some decidedly male input," I replied."You are welcome girl. Your makeup and dressing will improve evenmore, but that's not what I mean. You are already beginning to putyour personal stamp on how you look, but more importantly.
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