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"I'd say that the apron is the least of your problems," Cybill says. "Butbe my guest."Puzzled, but still determined, my father hastily undoes the knot at theback."Oh, silly me," Cybill says. "All this time, I didn't think to show youhow you look."As she hands him her compact mirror, she leans over to my mother."Helen," she says quietly, "I'm taking your husband upstairs to change. Ihope you won't mind lending him something more appropriate." Not at all," my mother mutters, watching my father realize that he iswearing full makeup, with heavily darkened eyelids, painted eyelashes,reddened cheeks and rich coating of crimson lipstick over his lips, and aflower-adorned satin hairband in his not-quite-so-short hair."Do you need help?" she offers as Cybill leads my father away from thetable yet again."Oh, I'm sure he'll be no trouble at all," Cybill replies.I steal away from the table, too."I thought there was one purse too many," my mother says as I pull out myown compact and proceed to do. Now I’m expected to be the good guy and forget all about that. Just let me say, put it this way: not happening. So, if that’s all the lot of you’ve got, you can all leave and not return, like ever.” I think steam was coming out of my ears.I looked around. There was a mix of stunned disbelief and looks that were all questions. No one said anything. I turned my chair around and wheeled myself into the back room and slammed the door shut.There was a cacophony of indecipherable noise and voices from the front room. I did hear Cherry trying to reassure the herd that I would calm down but that I was not going to be compromising. She was right about the second thing, but not the first. I was never going to calm down, not about this.It was a full five minutes before the tribe left us. Cherry came back to where I was; she was looking a little concerned, and joined me. We would be talking.Well, one good thing about the Hardy dinette was that the table seated eight. That was a good thing.
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