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She had to think for a moment. "Well," she said, "now you mention it, I feel marvellous. I don't think I've ever been happier, even when we were first married. Isn't that strange?"Now it was my turn to hesitate. I was aware I was skating on very thin ice here but I desperately needed to understand what was going on. While I was still debating whether "yes" or "no" was the more politic answer to Wendy's question, she forestalled me by answering it herself."No, actually, it's not strange. What shouldn't I be happy loving and caring for the best husband in the world? Look at the question you asked me just now. You were worried about how I felt when I hadn't even thought about it myself. Is it any wonder that I love you so?"Rightly recognising this question as rhetorical, I chose to leave it there. Connie and Wendy were very different women but in the space of a few hours, each of them had expressed in her own way her complete devotion to me. It was highly flattering, but I had no idea. Leah cleared that up for me. That’s for sure.But just like you told me once, my feelings aren’t necessarily rational but it doesn’t change them.I feel betrayed by my sister. But I also feel betrayed by my parents for not stopping her. And sadly, my love, I feel betrayed by you too for not protecting me.But I know these thoughts aren’t rational so I’m going away for a while to fix things. I need to be able to close my eyes without seeing that day. I need to be able to see you without reliving the last time you held me in your arms.I want you to know that I’m not deserting you. I swear I’m not. I don’t know when but someday I’ll find you, if only to give you a better explanation. As soon as I can be the person that I need to be for me and the person I need to be for you.I hope you’ll give me time to find what I need and I hope you’ll respect my need for privacy. It’s not that I don’t want to see you. I just can’t put my life back together properly when all I want to do is get back to.
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