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I lay there for a moment, recovering from the shock, but as the moment had been ruined, and the desire now taken over by a sick feeling of shame, I got up, took a long shower, and went for a long ride on my trail bike. I came back hours later, after dark, to find Louise sitting in the family room, watching TV. “Where’s Mum?” I asked. “Did you forget?” she asked right back, “She’s gone down the coast to spend some time with Dad. She left straight after work, Airhead. Just like she’s been talking about all week, so it’s just you and me here for the next coupla days.” Louise told me my dinner was in the microwave, so I reheated it and ate quickly, avoiding her as far as possible. Not because of any bad feeling between us, but because I still felt a bit ashamed. I said goodnight, showered again, and went to bed. After a while, I heard the shower in the bathroom next to my bedroom, and after it stopped, I heard Louise moving around, and then things went quiet for a few. " No, no, wait," I let go of the chain and waved Dawn off. "I am, I am. I don't know that I'll ever like the idea, but I AM okay with it. You deserve it, Dawn. I'm not here to give you what you need and if we are going to get married someday, I really don't want you wondering for the rest of your life what might have been. I know being with one man for your entire life sounds romantically great and all, but I know you. I KNOW you'll be eaten inside by curiosity. It's gonna happen eventually."Dawn sighed and hung her head down, pushing with her legs to begin swaying just a few inches in the swing. "I'm caught in this paradox, Ben. I love you. I've always loved you. And when you're here with me, I can't even imagine being with anyone else, Ryan included. I mean, right here, right now, I have NO interest in sleeping with him. Why would I want to when I could have you?"She sighed heavily. "But when you're not here ... I just get ... so lonely. He's sweet. He doesn't push me. And unlike a.
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