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She needed separation. Otherwise how elsecould she figure out where she ended and other people began? And if thosepeople decided to leave, as, in her experience, they invariably did atsome point, they might take something of her with them that she couldn?tlive without.Like her heart, for instance.The problem wasn?t that she couldn't get close to people but that she hadsuch a need for love that she felt her own self could get swept away inthe rush of that need.She knew she had abandonment issues, how could she not, having been givenup for adoption as an infant. She hardly needed a shrink to tell herthat. Like duh-uh, you really think so, Dr. Gertzoff? Geez. It neverwould have occurred to me. You?re a genius. Please. The only thingtherapy had taught her was that it wasn't true that you could changesomething by talking about it, not even by understanding a problemclearly could you necessarily change it. The Dr. Gertzoffs of the worldseemed to think that if you could only see the problem. Hmmm, got over that gagreflex in a hurry didn't I? Jeff picks up his tempo and I look up at himwith my blue eyes, that are saying, go ahead stud, fill up my mouth. Hedoes...wow, another huge load. How does this guy make so much sperm? I gag abit now, but swallow almost everything and get back up on my heels andmake a move on him to kiss me. No hesitation again...I really think this guyis special!Jeff says he can't wait any longer, he has to make love to me now...what yousay? Yes, he says he has to have me before he goes back to school so hecan remember what special times we had. Oh shit, what now?? I said, did Imention that I have my period? That always worked on me. No you didn't hesays, but thinks a minute and says, why don't we go lie on the bed andmake out and see what happens. Ok, make out..that's fun and I really enjoyhis kissing me. Well, it's on the bed, horizontal and he's got his handsalmost everywhere. He kisses me deeply and holds me tightly. Then heproceeds in licking.
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