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”“But I love you so much!”“Oh and I love you.” Dawn said. “I just hate your penis.”John took a sip of his coffee and sighed. “So you just wanted to chat about my unfortunate manhood?”Dawn giggled. “No, sweetie. This is much bigger than that...no pun intended. You remember a few weeks ago when your friend Chase came over to watch the game?”“Yeah.”“And you went to bed early despite both of us calling you a pussy and a loser for being so tired?”“Yes, I remember.” John said, taking another sip of coffee. Dawn smiled. “Well...we kind of kept making fun of you. One thing led to another... and I kind of told him how awful our sex life was.”“What?!”“Mostly just that your penis was so small.” Dawn said. “But also how I hadn’t had an orgasm in over four years.”“This is so embarrassing.” John said.“Oh there’s way more than that, honey.” Dawn assured him. “He was shocked that I hadn’t been properly satisfied. He started describing his cock to me and ... maybe it was the drinks, I don’t know. But. ..condition." Are you sure there's no cure? Can't you do something?" Well, of course we could initiate sex reassignment therapy in reverse,treating you with massive dosages of testosterone and surgicallyremoving your breasts. But I'm afraid it's too late to save your malegenetalia...at best, you'd be...." I'd be what?" A eunuch with a menehune penis."At the sound of that, I became violently sick.* * *I refused to accept Dr. Banzai's diagnosis. No way was I turning into awoman! I spent hours on the Internet, trying to determine if such athing had ever happened in human history, and there was no precedent forit. I had to find a real doctor, one who wore shoes! This was all somekind of cruel joke, a cosmic payback for my years of philandering, as ifall the women I'd ever wronged were conspiring to emasculate me. Couldit be that some bitch I'd burned slipped something to me in a drink?Even if that had happened, surely it was impossible for one shot of anydrug or hormone to cause.
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