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Make sure you send a card to my Mom, my sister, and one to Aunt Sally.’ Instead of you being such a dickhead and constantly and continually holding mistletoe over women’s heads, while hoping for a kiss and copping a cheap feel, imagine women holding mistletoe over your head and really wanting to kiss you, while they groped your package with their free hand. ‘French kiss me, this time, handsome.’ ‘Mom, stop. Eww. Gross. Enough with the mistletoe.’ Instead of having your fingers bitten off and spending your Christmas at the emergency ward and recovering during the holidays from reconstructive surgery, imagine your Pit Bull enjoying it when you dressed him up with antlers to take his photo. ‘Good dog. Smile Killer. Now, let’s get the Santa suit on you.’ Instead of getting falling down drunk, imagine refusing alcohol during the holidays? ‘No thank you, I’ve had quite enough to drink. One beer is more than enough for me.’ Instead of crashing your car and being arrested for DWI with that. "They didn't exactly fire me. I quit." Why?"Dad looked up at Mom, then back at Traci and me. "They moved my job to the capital. To Olympia." Oh." I'd been upset when we moved here from California. I'd had to leave my old school and all my friends. Dad didn't want to do that to me again. I looked over at Traci. It was obvious that she'd figured it out, too."If we have to move, I'll understand," I said. Traci nodded.Mom smiled. "And I thought you didn't like to lie." It's a done deal." Dad said. "I quit two weeks ago."Thank you, God. Wait a minute. "Two weeks ago? Why didn't you say something?" That explained why they'd been acting weird."You were in the middle of play-offs. I, we, your mom and I, decided to wait till that was over." Well, at least you get unemployment while you find something else," I said, trying to look at the bright side. I wondered if anyone around here needed a strategic planner besides the state."Uh, not exactly. The employment department say that since I quit, I.
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