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It used to be worse - before I started taking hormones, I could hardlystand to look at myself even dressed, but with my breasts coming in alittle, now if I wear the right kind of clothes I guess there are worselooking women out there.But naked, all I see is the ugly bits, so I just dont go there.I know I shouldnt complain - I've seen some people who have it a lotrougher than me in the looks department - burn victims, people withhorrible diseases, people with terrible birth defects.Me, I just look like the guy I used to pretend I was.When you're trans, holidays can really suck, you know? Christmas becomesa reminder of the fact your family thinks you're going to hell, or Easterreminds you of all the pretty spring dresses you'd look like a clown in. But one of the worst one is Valentines, at least for me.There wont be any chocolates, or roses waiting for me when I get home, nocute card from anyone saying they were thinking of me.Just another day alone, and that's every bit as much fun as. I on the otherhand was 4' 9" about 100 pounds if that, I have a thin build and not muchmuscle.I normally took my bath in the evening after dinner, but I was hot fromthe work outside and did as I was told. I was down to my under wear whenLinda came into my room, she had a angry look on her face and wascarrying some of the clothes from the trash bags and threw them on thebed.She said, "I told you to get ready for your bath."I replied, "I am." She grabbed me by the arm and sat down pulling across her lap holding medown and began to spank me saying "from now on your will do as I say,when I say, and you will not tell anyone what happens when we are alone.As she spanked me as hard as she could I was screaming for her to stop. Ihad never been spanked by my mother or father like this, the most Ireceived from them was a swat on the butt, that was all it took for me tobehave. She spanked me until at one point I passed out and came too, thewhole time she continue spanking. I was crying so hard.
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