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“You know what I've wanted to watch for a while now? The Lion King.” It's the kind of dorky thing he'll say on occasion that makes me wonder whether he's serious or not. Tonight it's funnier than usual, tipsy the way I am. I laugh as I fan myself with the cover of a coffee table book about extreme sports in South America.“I. AM. HOT. Did I mention that I'm gonna melt? I want to take off my sweater, but the leather of the beanbag will stick to my skin and it'll feel all gross.”“Just take off the sweater.”“I don't want to feel like a human pineapple.”“I like pineapples,” he says.I've undone my button fly and am now lifting my butt from the beanbag so I can slide my jeans down my hips. I'm vaguely aware of his silence as I do it. I peel them off my legs and feel delighted by the cool air on my skin. The decision makes perfect sense to me, I simply don't question it. Any guilt is buried deep within, safely out of sight. It's the biggest rush I could have right now, moving around on my. I felt I was no longer ofany use to those I loved. What could I do for them now? Nothing! I wasuseless to everybody including me! I could not show my face anywhere oreven go to school.No, I ended up in a child psychiatric ward at a private hospital a longway from my home. Auntie Helen saw to all of it. This lasted for monthsuntil I finally opened my eyes and looked around me. My mother wasthere by my side. I was even too weak to raise my arms and hug her. Itwas she who took me in her arms and held me close and tight. Now sixyears later I was finally remembering it all and dealing with it like Ishould have long ago.I came aware of my immediate surroundings once again as I felt a handwiping away my silent tears. I opened my eyes and there was Sylviasmiling, but with a look of concern in her eyes.I smiled back and said, "Oh, I was just remembering that time I lefteveryone who cared for me. I'm fine now, it is just with the memorycame the pain and hurt. That will never happen again I.
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