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It's just..." I hung my head. I almost snorted at the irony. Sometimes I couldn't stop the words from coming out. Now I couldn't get them out at all.Tamara put her arm around me. Somehow she knew not to ask anything more. She started stroking my upper arm--a gentle caress that reminded me of our time in Nevada.I let out a deep breath."Sometimes it's easier not to try," I finally said. "That way I can't get rejected for my looks." She held me tighter. "I wish you could understand what that's like, to be rejected for your looks." What do you think happens in a line-up?" she asked sharply, pulling away from me.I looked at her in confusion."A customer comes into the brothel and asks for a line-up," she continued. "He's probably going to decide in a few minutes whether to party with me or another girl. He hasn't talked to us. He hasn't interacted with us in the parlor. What does he have to go on other than looks?"There are a lot of line-ups where I don't get picked, John. And if I don't. Resigned to your fate, you slowly sit up in bed and look through the chats and the pictures. They certainly look to be having more fun than you have in a long time. Bright sun, some exotic beach. Parties in revealing swimsuits that you guarantee are going to lead to some hookups.While you're happy for your friends, you begin to wonder why you can't have at least a taste of that life. You get up out of bed, and look over your solitary room. There's nothing really of "you" in it. Fuck, you don't even know what "you" is at this point. Everything, from this college, to your clothes, to your books, phone, have all been the smart and prudent decision someone else has made. Unfortunately, this applies to you as well, looking in the full body mirror. Whoever convinced you that your hourglass figure was best hidden in conservative wear, and only show it off to your future husband, decades from now when nobody wants to see you naked anymore, needs to get a medal for salesmanship."Fuck!" You.
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