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..... aaaaand I thought you might like to chat about last nightand this morning” I said bluntlyLochy looked down at his feet, his arms tensing up.“I'm not gay” he kind of whispered.Tear-drops begun falling from his hidden face to the floor“I swear” he continued, “I'm not gay, I'm so sorry man but I-”“Dude, I'm Gay” I cut him off.He looked up at me after hearing this.A mixture of surprise and doubt washing over his face and widened eyes worried me a little.Perhaps admitting to this might make him hate me after all..Even though I wasn't entirely sure If I was completely Gay, somewhat Gay or if this was just some sort of phase. But for this time, right now. I was certain that I was Gay.His eyes slightly shook from side to side as he stared at my own, his lips trembling, his body tense.“Im pretty sure that I'm Gay, dude... I think I said it to you last night but I think the Alcoho-”“Do you think that-that makes it okay?!” He snapped over the top of me.I jumped a little at the sudden burst. I had to get away. He's helping me. This is all a big mistake.”“That's the truth. Now can I get out of here and be on my way?”When I said that, I didn't look at Carla. I couldn't. I just wanted to be out of there and free. I had my own problems, I didn't need hers.I knew I left a wife in Maine. Her parents thought I was a bum and my parents wanted me to see a shrink. I was just as trapped in expectations as Carla. I was unhappy and lost. I needed space. I needed to be alone, but when she begged me to take her, why did I say yes? Was it lust or love that motivated me? I didn't know. She was beautiful and sexy and needed me, so I said yes when I should have said no. Sometimes the line between lust and love is thin and one thing leads to another. Sometimes, the real reasons we do things are the ones we are least conscious of. Maybe we're all selfish and self absorbed and pretend we're not. Who knows? I only knew I was angry and wanted to be out of there and knew she felt my.
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