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And if she’ll have me, we’ll make love again. She did more to explain true intimacy to me than anyone since Anala, and was probably what made what happened yesterday so starkly wrong. After her, there was another girl who had some impact, but not as much. A girl in Holland named Karla. But there was another girl, Magdalena, who I didn’t sleep with and didn’t really think about sleeping with, who also helped. And another one named Jasmine in California. She and Magdalena are just friends; there was no sex involved, nor any planned. And that leads us to the red-headed, green-eyed virginal twins from St. Louis.”“Which explains why you called it a ‘glorious sexual experience’ earlier. So why did it feel empty?”“Because it was. I realized when we finished, I felt NOTHING for them and the sex had been mechanical. I felt dirty. I didn’t understand that at first, but for the first time in my life, I felt dirty after sex. And then I contemplated the 125 women I’d been with before them and. ." I nod, not sure what to say either. I don't know of a word that exists to describe what just happened. How can you share a moment like that with someone and not feel something... strong? I test my muscles and lift my head to look at him, and he stares back. He looks like he's thinking a million things, his green eyes endless. This man has no idea what he does to me. He's so beautiful, and all I can do is smile. Smile because of who he is and what he does, and what just happened and how I feel. The moment I do, Ethan kisses me, and I kiss him back, basking in that unknown emotion with him. * For our last day here, Ethan and I spend it alone. We hang out at the beach some more, the National Historic Site, and take a shit ton of pictures, never leaving each other's sides. After last night, our usual safe distance appears to have dissipated...and I like it. Ethan wouldn't let me go while we slept, and as we walk all over town, his hands are always at my waist or lower back. He even.
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