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My eyes really are brown, and the jewellery and accessories are realenough, but my looks are a fake. My hair is a wig, a very real lookingone, but a wig. My breasts are pads inside a bra, and my body has beenpadded expertly inside these clothes that I wear to make me appearfemale. And I dread what my *mother* will want done to my body in thelong term. I wonder what my friends would think if they knew thateverything I say and every move I make is all an act? That I hatetalking about boys and other girly stuff with them and that I long towipe the lipstick from my lips, shed my girl disguise and get back tomy parents so that they know that I didn't die after all.I don't hate the boyfriend that I'm lumbered with. He's never harmed meor hassled me or tried to make me do anything that I don't want to doand he is content with kissing and the odd grope of my fake breasts,which is just as well, as I have a penis. I feel very sorry for him,because his real girlfriend is dead and I've been. Then Igathered up all my old boy clothes and put them in a suitcase, notknowing if I would ever open it again. Stan and I had dinner with thePerez's later that week, and they suggested that we simply introduce Beaas the new employee next week. (Mrs. Perez thought I was muy linda.)As summer went on, I became more comfortable with life as a female. Itbecame my new "normal." Every day, I got up and showered, shaved mylegs, put on makeup, styled my hair, then donned lingerie and a cutelittle outfit and went out. I still noticed women, but now, I mostlylooked at their outfits, wondering how that outfit would look on me, orwondering where she found those fabulous shoes. Maybe someone read me,but if they did, they never gave any indication. My feminine mannerismswere becoming more and more second nature, and I wondered if I would everbe able to go back to being a boy again.A new semester was about to begin, and my "summer of femininity" wasabout to end. Classes were getting ready.
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