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I grab my purse."What's wrong?" I ... I can't stay. Sorry."Erin looks perplexed. I can't explain. Not right now.I get in my car and I just sit there. I'm shaking.The man in the photos, Breanne's dad, is my rapist. His name is Joe.I cry on my bed behind a locked door.I wake up feeling better and with so many thoughts.I can see only one way I can exorcise the control that that man has over me by what he did to me. I must control him. I must return in more than equal measure his debasement.My phone rings. It's Erin."I was just wondering how you're doing after leaving the party early."Erin is a good friend."I had a flashback," I say. "I know who my rapist is." You do?" Yes, I do." So you're going to the police?" No." Why not?" I want revenge." Revenge? Like how?" I don't know yet." You really should go to the police." They can't do anything now. I need to do this for my healing." Sure, I understand now. You know I and Breanne and Kaitlin will help you any way you need." Leave Breanne. "Not only did he beat her up but he used to beat me and my brother andsister up too. Well back in College my best friend, as you know was Carol. One day I decided to open up to Carol. Her Mum was quite the feminist.Carol said to me that whenever my Dad hit me I should imagine him dressed asme. It used to make me smile and I always wondered what it would be like tosee a man dressed up as a woman. After a while Carol and I used to sleeptogether. It was my way of getting back at him. We would frequently go totransvestite bars and whilst I would never pluck up the nerve to talk to oneof the performers I always wondered what it would be like to sleep with areal man like that."That wasn't exactly my idea of macho, my idea of macho was more like herfather. Then I had resolved that I was not going to be like my father, ashe used to beat me, and he was very like her father. Seeing I had not saidanything Maria carried on."I know not many guys think of transvestites as being real men but.
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