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I’ve been working about 10 hours a week. I did put in a full 8 yesterday. I hear people talking about their dreams and goals for the future and I can’t afford the pain of having any.When I wrote about being overwhelmed in the bank two chapters ago I didn’t mention that I was having full blown for lack of a better word dementia like symptoms. I knew why we were there but didn’t understand what was going on. I was arguing about what papers go into what envelope and other silly behaviour. At one point my wife laid her head down on the desk. I was an overgrown 5 year old. I knew what was going on and I couldn’t stop it. It was that day my wife said I could use CBD no matter what the doctors say. I still had some and it helps keep that shit in check.Why didn’t I mention it when I wrote about it then? It’s humiliating. Every time it happens it brings me one step closer to the nursing home. Thinking about it scares me. If I don’t write about it I don’t have to think about it. At the same. It sounded like a brutal little love triangle, settled Old West fashion. When I was a kid, I used to love stories about the Old West – books, movies and television shows – and I immersed myself in the culture. I read everything Louis L’Amour ever wrote, but disdained the likes of Zane Grey and Max Brand. Their Old West was the stylized, fictional West of pearl-button shirts and fancy boots made of patent leather, pretty to look at, but not the real deal. L’Amour, though, told about the real West. His locales were right on the money, and so was the attitude. Oh, the good guys usually won in his novels, but they often paid a high price in the process. I remember one of his Sackett tales, where Tell Sackett avenged himself against a wealthy rancher who had ruined his life. The man had ambushed Tell, shot him and left him for dead, stolen his new bride, then raped and killed her. You didn’t find that sort of thing in Zane Grey. It was a simpler time, with a simple code of honor,.
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