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I was delirious. Did everyone feel like this after they got married? I hoped so. We lived in our new place together for eighteen months. Michael died. I won’t recount the scenes to wring tears: he died, he just died. The only thing I’ll say is that one of the last things he told me was, ‘when I get up there and they ask me what I liked best, I’ll tell them about you’. People use the word ‘void’. For me it was just the opposite. There was no void, I wasn’t empty. I was filled. I was filled with Michael, with anger, with despair. I was filled with loss. Michael’s death brought me to the second Great Unshakable Truth. I would never be loved like that again. Nobody could and nobody would. I never thought that thought but it was always with me. I’ve lived across the bridge for all these years and I’ve never come back until today. Ben thought I should and I know now that he was right. I’m living with Ben David, a structural engineer who’s brought calm to my life. The strange thing is that. I was blushing and I could feel my cheeks starting to burn. I asked him if I could use his bathroom, he said I shouldn’t have been so silly as to ask and should have just gone. I went over to the bathroom and stood in the doorway, before I went inside I asked him if I were aloud another drink from the minibar. “There was only one Beefeater!” Moss snickered. I let him know that anything would do; so he passed me a mini Jack Daniels and I smiled, stepping into the bathroom without a word and closed the door, locking it behind me. —- I set the Jack Daniels by the sink and thought of how he must have been so confused and excited at the same time, as was I. Moss was not someone I had ever thought of having these feelings for, maybe it was the alcohol but I wanted to make my imaginations of his naked body a reality. Plus, this was someone I knew and felt safe with; part of the turn on I suppose. Pulling the work polo over my head, my hair ruffled and exposed my bra, not for long though as.
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