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The concept of someone taking me in their mouth was completely new to me and most likely would have been repulsive if someone had suggested it. But it was so natural and so desirable in my dream. And, though I shot off before I got a chance to experience it in that dream, I knew just how it would feel to be in someone's mouth, and I wanted to experience that feeling for real.Wednesday afternoon, I'd come home after my weird walk with Betsy Lou. I'd tried to figure out what was going on with her for about five minutes before my head started hurting and I gave up.It was Mom's shopping day with Mrs. Fish, so I was sitting at the kitchen table, eating some Mr. Chips and sipping cola flavored Kool Aid while going over the day. Something had happened in gym class that I hadn't understood. I thought about it and remembered. Weinstein had said something. What was that word? Oh, yeah. Schlong.I got my student dictionary and looked it up. I tried shlong, shclong and schlong, even chlong... No. "That's it, isn't it. I am dead inside?" I hear the words, but can't believe they are coming from me. "But how do I stop it, what can I do?" You have to open your heart, be what you want, do what you want, fill your own needs. Then you can fill other's needs. Your's should always come first. When was the last time you told anyone else NO? Hasn't happened in a while, I don't mean telling the kids no about candy or going to their friends, I mean NO, they can wait, it's your turn now." As he is speaking, I feel as though he is tearing down all the walls that keep people out. The walls that I thought made me safe, until now. Now I see they just keep me in. Taking a chance I reach out for his hand, as we touch the tingle turns into a pulsing desire, my ears are ringing, I feel like a school girl, and I want to share myself with him. I have NEVER felt this way. Don't get me wrong, I DO love Rick, but he never made me feel so alive. He puts down the guitar and turns back to me, the desire.
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