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I lie on my back in the dark with my eyes shut, hoping to drop off quicklyso that when I wake up Dave will have an erection again for me to wrap mylips around. Instead, as happens increasingly often now, I lie wide awake,crazy thoughts racing round in my head. I stick my hand down between mylegs to feel my wrinkled little penis. It is bone dry. I can't rememberwhen I last had a proper orgasm of my own. Yet even so I feel daily anoverpowering need for sex that only Dave can satisfy. I need him so badlyit's almost painful. He wants me to get my cock cut off and turned into apussy. It's the logical next step, but the idea horrifies me. It wouldmean losing the last miserable vestige of the man I once was. I would,finally, be utterly lost to myself. Yet there would surely be advantages.Dave would have another hole to fuck me in. Maybe my poor, abused arseholecould take a rest after all these years. And maybe Dave will fuck me fromin front more often if he doesn't have to look. I don't want anybiblical references. You keep doing that all the time. No religion, justthink about how your father could have demonstrated that he actuallycared about you. Do you think you can do that for me?"And I want you to explore this ballet theme a little deeper. If therewere a ballet performance this week, I'd like for you to attend it. Iwant you to read up on the story of ballet and tell me about it nextweek. I want a history of sorts. Try to explore what it is about thefemale costume that you're attracted to."Jamie's going to hate that. She's going to call me a faggot all weekbecause I'm reading about ballet and ballerina costumes. Isn't theresomething you can do or say to her to just shut the hell up?" Let me talk with Jamie for a minute, please."If you, the reader, could watch the expression on James' face change,then you'd see that Jamie really is a bitchy lady."What the fuck are you doing? I don't want him reading about ballet. I'llbe in leotards and tights all week.".
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