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The feeling of anticipation, the growing tension between the boy and myself, the variety of thrills I felt as different parts of my body reacted in different ways, the ways boys and their bodies reacted to what I did to them. Even the complicated business of planning where and how to get away by yourselves so that you could do it – at that age, even with a steady boy-friend it was hard to get away from the rest of the crowd and there was rarely anywhere where you could be comfortable together. How I envied older girls, girls who lived away from home, to me the idea of having a place of my own meant having a bed-room constantly available for sex and that seemed the ultimate reward for getting through the problems of the late teen-age years. Many of those problems involved boys of course and I had just as many as the other girls, falling madly in love with one who totally ignored me or being hounded by one that I simply couldn’t stand the sight of. But, even when I was suffering from. ” Jessica turned back to the window. “Jessica?” her friend asked, slower. Jessica began to cry. “He’s not the kind of guy you fall in love with boo,” her friend said, holding Jessica in her arms. Jessica welcomed her own tears. They were overdue. She had shared a few details about her relationship with this man. But for that moment, her tears kept her from having to explain other things about what they shared to her friend. How could she anyway? How could anyone understand what was happening? She did not fully understand it herself. Arturo was not her Dom. She was not his submissive. The two words had never come up in their conversation. He did not leave her feeling degraded. However, Jessica was no fool. She saw what was happening. She recognized it. They had gone far beyond the hinted directives, blindfolds and the hands tied behind the back. How could she begin to explain the things that she had done, had let be done, or had asked for? How could she explain the way he made her.
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