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Tracy is two years older than me, an all American girl, tall, slim, long brown hair with long legs and a Miss America build. I had always known that Tracy was not like me. Tracy is smart and beautiful but weak.I was laid in bed and thinking what Tracy would look like naked in bed with me, a wonderful fantasy. It came to me with a rush her life would be horrible, she'd marry a loser that beat her and either end up driven insane by her husbands abuse or murdered by him. I could even see a possible list of who'd she marry and one name, a creepy guy lead the list. I would keep this information to myself for now.Mom let me open a Stock Brokers account that charged a monthly fee that included free trades, the account is what they called a Custodial Account, my money but mom had to OK it. I put in $1000 from the money that my grandparents had invested in a mutual fund for me. I still had $4000 invested mutual funds. Mom let me play with the account. Three months later when my statement. When we left i told ‘him’ that i was really upset. he just reminded me that his wife was just very giving…one of the things he loathed in her, but desired in me… my’ lack of interest in everyone’…my cold heart, my selfishness and pride. sickingly, he said it made him ‘wanna fuck me.’ and so i looked out the window for a long time on the way back to our shared apartment. we drove two hours each way and there was plenty of time for quiet repose. we only talked about fucking and scrabble, really. i spent a lot of time staring out windows. though my life is much different now, i still wonder who that girl was? not only me, but his wife…her dirty children with snot encrusted nostrils and her trailer smelling of potatoes rotting at the bottom of a trash can. i think sometimes i could be happy with anyone. there is nothing special about people. we all have a different story that happened in a different place and time, but we have the same fabric internally. we know the same songs that.
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