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She scanned the room and nodded recognition to everyone else and then settled her gaze on me. She fixed me with her eyes and seemed to glide over the floor as she came up to me saying, “So, you must be Tom. Jane has told me all about you and I suggested she invite you to one of our parties so that I could get to meet you myself, in the flesh, so to speak!”Jackie seemed to turn her Canadian accent into a hypnotic chant and for a few seconds I just stared into those eyes as I thought of something to say. It couldn’t be as lame as a chat up line used on meeting someone for the first time at a party – but then again, what else could it be, know where this party was likely to lead. “Your friend seems stumped for conversation Jane,” she mused and for a moment I thought I’d blown it but her flashing smile then put me at ease again as she continued to me, “come on Tom, get me a drink and lets sit over here and get to know each other better.”“Oh Jackie,” said Adam, “here we all are just. I want to be nice to people, I despise myself when I play my games, but I can't help it. I feel like a puppet sometimes, like I'm dancing to someone else's tune while they pull the strings of my life.I try to cry about it when I'm alone here in my bedroom, but I can't even do that.In the middle of the night ... you know that feeling when you don't know whether you are asleep or awake? Your mind just floats somewhere in the cosmos and you don't think about anything at all, at least nothing you can remember when the light of day finally opens your eyes.Well, I remember!Not all the time, just once or twice. And I remember that I hate myself. In the middle of the night I semi-woke and found myself in that place and I remembered so clearly that I pinched my arm really hard to try to make myself cry. I couldn't ... Not a single tear.But now, the feeling is taking over, I am starting to doubt who I am even in the harsh reality of my waking life.And I discovered that the puppet master still.
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