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I try but I cannot. I try typing without the pencil, but without something to grasp, my fingers shake uncontrollably. Ashamed, I call for your help. You come in from the kitchen, tomato sauce on your apron, and pick up the pencil for me, along with the other half-dozen I have dropped. I thank you, my words garbled and slow. But you let me get them out before you say, "You're welcome." I love you for that, but I don't tell you, because I know you have to get back to he kitchen. Instead, I type it, slowly, with many corrected mistakes, then print it out. Seven minutes for five words on a stark white sheet of paper -- "I love you for listening." I am satisfied.Again I tell you I love you, and you say the same. We are both naked now, lying among the forgotten wildflowers in the warm summer grass. I say that I hope a birdwatcher doesn't wander by. You laugh and say you don't care. We lay side by side, staring into each other's eyes, letting the tension build.Dinner was delicious as usual.. There was a look of disappointment in her eyes.“No, no, my darling, you and I are going to be even closer. I just don’t know how to say it now. I want to say I love you, but that would be premature. No other woman has given me so much satisfaction as you just did. You and I are going to have to have a very serious discussion about our future relationship.”I hoped I said that in a way that might reassure her, but also let her know that our position at the moment was fraught with the danger of causing some problems in the way I wanted to live with her and work with her at the same time.“Now forget all that and kiss me,“ I said.Dianne slid down and lay beside me and we held each other close and we kissed, the kiss that only lovers know how.After a few minutes, I began to make a move toward returning the pleasure she had just given me. I got up on my arms beside her and she looked up at me with questioning eyes. I could read her mind.‘What is she going to do?’I left her in no doubt.
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