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But somehow it doesn't seem as simple as it does when I'm in the middle of a task I have been given — or on my knees in front of the Masters or Mistresses. And then there is the tension inside me when I think about Joe and me. The moments pass and Jo waits patiently, seeing that I'm considering my words carefully."Well, Mistress, I'd say obedience, responding quickly to instructions and carrying them out properly. And respectful behaviour to her owners. And doing what owners want, not what the slave might want and to be content with thinking about what the owner wants first and what the slave — I'll say me — I mean being happy to put what I want second. And not to be ... er ... disappointed by always coming second."I am still wrestling with my thoughts and Jo senses I'm not finished. She pauses and I go on:"When I first came, well, I had no real idea what on earth was going to happen. I mean, how this whole experience could last two months but now I think two months is maybe not long. Halfway through the movie I lost interest and looked at Roz. She was already staring up at me. I saw her sad looking eyes and her lips separated just slightly. She ran her tongue across her lips and I couldn’t help it, I lifted her up and I kissed her. She responded. When we broke our kiss, I could see that she didn’t reopen her eyes.“Kiss me again, Goyse. No one will ever know but you and me. I need you to kiss me.”We spent the last half of the movie cuddling and kissing. I was struggling with it because I knew that I was deceiving someone who was very important to me but at the same time my logical brain told me that that person was married and my relationship with her could only ever be classified as temporary. Logic said, “Take the permanent road, Goyse.” My emotional non-logical brain was saying, “You are an arsehole by deceiving the one you care about. Stop it now!”Eventually, the movie ended. We both moved into the front seat just in time for Dave to poke his head in and.
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