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I did like my job and it did give me something to do and I was good at it. As I sat there at the bar I had to wonder what my true feelings were for Bev. I mean I spent twenty-two plus years with her. Did I love her? God, I know I did. Did I hate her? I hate what she did to me. Was I happier without her? Boy, that was an easy one to answer. After twenty-two years together I missed her deeply, in spite of our having grown apart. Believe me I thought about it all. I think I could have made it past even the cheating and maybe reconciled with her sometime. But the words, ‘Don’t hurt him,’ would not leave my brain. He pulled a knife on me but she was worried about her lover. Every night after I finished patrol I ended up at the Old Mill. Funny, I never got drunk. I usually had a beer or two and then drank coffee. I usually ate a greasy burger from the bar and thought about Beverly, my life and where I went wrong. Man, it was sad. The more I thought of Bev the more I missed her. I kind of. It was an aggressive hour in the gym then home for supper. A loaded salad again, minus cucumbers for Jenny - we had come to the conclusion the boys were getting cucumber in mother’s milk and bad gas with it. Pepperoni was another no-no, as was garlic.Thursday Patti and I rode together to KCC for the first time in weeks, it seemed. She was driving so I could look at the latest alerts from the state department and DHS. There was nothing new anywhere. I looked over everything from the Middle East very carefully, especially Morocco, Libya and Saudi Arabia. It was 8:30 when I finished; time that most Washington people were getting to their offices. I wanted to inform Victor and Amy myself and should have done it last night.I paged Victor and Amy on a VCATS call on my State department computer. When they both responded, “What’s hot in Washington today?” I asked.“Not exactly sure, other than Washington is on a buzz. There is a 10:00 o’clock high-level meeting for all G10s and above.”“I can.
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