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Until that following Friday.It’s early in the afternoon, sunny, blue skies, extremly hot outside. Taylor and I are getting ready for a nice sweaty workout, when the door bell rings.Who could it be? I peak trough the window and see Jay standing right outside. Not thinking about much, i go and open the door.“Hey Jay whats up?”“Hey, uhm….you guys have a gym right?”Straight to the point, ok. Those young guys realy don’t fuck around.“Yeah.”“Ok uhm…well i was wondering if…my parents are away for the weekend and…”“You want to workout?” i interrupt.“Yes!….i mean. yeah. would that be cool?”Jesus, is this real? My hot 18 your old neighbour wants to workout in my house?Not thinking a whole lot about anything i just…”Yes sure, of course. You got money?….Just joking.” His shocked look was priceless.What’s the next move? Before i could think of saying. ...I'm.....God Wendy, I just can't". "You can't what John?say it, tell me, tell me what you can't do to me, what you can't giveme, I want to hear you say it, I want to...I need to hear the words"." Please Wendy please please don't make me say it, I can't Wendy, Ican't" I hear my pitiful words in my own head and my self loathingescalates to another level, what sort of husband, what sort of man amI. The answer comes immediately. I'm not. I'm neither. What sort ofhusband tortures his wife with his own shame, his own lies, his ownself delusions to avoid facing up to the truth? What sort of manpromises a woman the physical intimacy, the corporeal closeness, thetangible representation of the love, desire and need for one anotherknowing all the while he is incapable of doing so, worse, knowing thathe does really not want to? "I need to hear the words John.....enough.....no more pretending". I hear her voice, a whisperedalmost sympathetic tone that lands with the force of a wrecking balland.
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