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Theanger got me into trouble a few times. I am ashamed of what I havedone. Over time, for the most part, I have learned to dissipate thatanger and start to love. Since I?ve been on HRT that anger has beenreduced dramatically. Even now in my anger I try to admonish instead oflashing out either physically or verbally.The result of my fear and anger was me being a lonely boy. My parentssaw that and thought after consulting with others that seeing apsychiatrist might help. I couldn?t tell this grown up anything so in asense I wasted their money. Now I could tell those shrinks how I feel,but as a kid I couldn?t. I was still afraid.Part of my fear was that I was the only one who thought that way. In asense that is true. According to statistics in the Netherlands aboutone child in eleven thousand births is a male to female transsexual andone child in twelve thousand is a female to male transsexual.There are other things that bother me. I cannot now or ever give birth.When she was pregnant. I’m not sure what emboldened me to say these words to my work colleague about his daughter, Sara, who must have been 18 years old, I guess. They were true, she had been flirting with me constantly when I had visited Joe over the last few weeks to work on a project together. However, I would not usually comment on it, and if the shoe had been on the other foot I may have punched his lights out.Joe just laughed and agreed with me.“I try and tell her about it, but typical teenager she never listens to me,” commented Joe. We were sitting in a pub and it might have been the alcohol that caused me to be so open with him or that prompted his next comment.“I reckon if you were to respond and come on to her, she would learn her lesson. I could secretly watch and come down and give her a warning,” said Joe conspiratorially.Joe went on to suggest that I came round for a work meeting, he would tell Sara he needed to go out and for her to keep me company while I waited. He would then slip upstairs.
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