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I was relieved that my statement hadn't, apparently, been taken in the wrong spirit, either.I said the words because they summed up how I felt, after those long, tedious years trying to climb to the top, finally to have reached it. I tried to make clear, to those pretty- knowledgeable baseball fans in the audience, that I was all-too-aware that I was just 25th man on a 25-man ball club. I wasn't one of those Godlike creatures whose exploits made the papers every day. If anything, I felt closer to these people in the audience, some of whom probably, when it came to The Game, were "never-weres," -- just like me. Guys who had loved the game but never made it to the big time. Never even came close.I hadn't yet made it far enough, I told them, to even hope someday to be a "has-been." It remained to be seen, I told them, whether I might end up being one of the "never-weres." It still wasn't clear whether I had really made it, or whether this year, once again, I was going to be just a. You being happy is the most important thing. Anything else comes after that." And if I was never happy with it." I'd cope," she said, tipping his head back and bending to kiss him again. "I'd cope, but really, love, I think we can take it further." How?" he said, tears pouring down his face. "I'll have nightmares every time you're with someone else." It won't be at night," she said, "at night I'll be with you."She wiped away his tears. "Oh hell, I get it, I'll fuck someone and come home and fuck you as well and fall asleep happy and you'll be awake half the night wondering what it was like; wondering if you're hopeless by comparison. Is that what's worrying you, is that how you imagine our life?" I don't know," he said. "I just don't know." He stopped for a second. "It's worse than that." How could it be?" They will always be better than me." Why?" Why would you bother with them if they weren't? What would be the point? If they weren't better than me you'd stick with me." It's not.
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