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Sick and miserable.I wonder what he thinks about me now? Or, if he even does think of me. And did he think of me during all those years? Like I thought of him? How many nights did he fall asleep, his hands holding his erection, wishing it were my hand holding him? As many as I did, using my fingers to ease the pain I felt from not having his body on mine, his hardness inside me where it belonged? All those years lost, the nights we could have been together, making love like we did before it all went to hell. Before I destroyed it all with my stupidity.And what made it even worse for me was that the last man inside me, the last man to have my body wasn't even my husband! It was Hugo! The man that I let destroy my marriage and send the man I love to prison! Hugo! Even now, that thought makes me sick. Sick at heart as well as sick to my stomach. When the memory surfaces, as it does on those days when the world seems to have it in for me, I end up on the floor in the bathroom, still wet. ’ He smiled, and I felt my heart flutter. He had dimples that made me want to faint. ‘I’ve thought a lot about you, Beth. I hope you’ve thought about me.’ ‘More than you know,’ I said before I realized it was out. He smiled again. I pulled my gaze away from his face and walked past him into the living room. Sitting in the large chair I bought when I got too big to sit comfortably in the others I had. ‘Please sit.’ He walked in slowly and sat on the couch across from me. He wore a blue button down, and black dress jacket. I realized as he sat it was a Gucci business suit. I knew because my assistant just bought the exact same one at Barney’s. ‘So…’ I said hoping he would get to why he came here. ‘When are you due?’ I smiled reflexively ‘April seventeenth.’ I said. I rubbed my stomach as I spoke. ‘Is it mine?’ He looked at me as if he already knew the answer, he just wanted me to confirm it so he would know I wouldn’t lie to him. ‘Look, Mr….’ ‘Devon. John Devon.’ ‘Mr. Devon. I don’t.
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