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And sodepressing to think about how far I still have to go. I can't wait tolose the wigs, more weight, get my breasts done, my lips, maybe piercemy nipples, facial surgery, the list goes on and on. Can I reallysucceed as a girl?I suppose at this point my B cup boobs are pretty much the answer.There's no going back. Not that I want to. I just used to enjoy thejourney. Now part of me just wants it to be over. To be done with thework and the day-to-day. I think it used to be more fun. I think Ineed to see someone and talk to them about this. Maybe talk to themabout the hooking and the drugs. Something. I feel like it's meagainst the world right now.End Diary EntryInteresting to read that entry. If you asked me before I saw it I wouldhave said that I was so focused on being a good time girl that Iwouldn't have made any room for those sorts of feelings. I'm actuallyrelieved in a way to know that they were there. I was definitelyconfused and feeling melancholy and there's. I was never really fussed on getting a job during my education but always worked above average gaining better grades then most but not the best, so not to limit any opportunities when I was older. But as I started looking for a university degree I was also becoming increasingly aware of my feelings to the younger girls I saw or was around- including my niece who at the time was fourteen- so I found my self studying my nights away to become a teacher and by time I was twenty-three I was a teacher at the local primary school. It wasnt perfect but it was small, rural and easy. It wasnt too long before the only male teacher there- Mr Brook at 28- was hitting on me and suggesting at encounters and relationships. It also didnt take to much time fore young boys in my class and the ones bellow to give me small hearts on their papers or pick a pretty flower from the playing field, behind the school, to give to me. I had already done all of any previous work experience and university.
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