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As I was getting ready for bed. I thought about as much as my situation sucks I’m still richer than a significant portion of the people alive today and live like a king compared to them. It’s not wrong of me to want more, but let’s be real too. I eat EVERY day. I have a home and clothes. None of it’s the best. Hell, some of it’s not even close. I have more than I need so crying because I can’t afford to take the trips my wife and I were planning. I can’t put my finger on it but somethings off about it.It’s more reasonable to get upset about the seizures, speech and cognitive issues. If I’m going to be here I need to be able to function. People are complex and we have a lot of things going on inside all at the same time. Kinda like those magic 8 balls we had as kids only one face shows at a time. Today is a happy face.I still haven’t found a path to a good ending to this shit, but yesterday I spent time wearing my angry face as I thought about my situation. I have been married for half. Please." Oh, Kevin," I gasped and choked back the tears that came. It took me a second to gather my thoughts. When my breathing was under control, I tried to speak. "I've missed you, too. I was thinking about us the other day. Not 'us' together, but back when we were in high school. You were the one guy who was friends with all of the girls. We knew you weren't just trying to get into our pants. You're smart and handsome. But right now ... I don't know." Why not?" he asked quietly."Because right now, I don't know that I want you for all the right reasons," I looked away, unable to bring myself to actually face the hurt in his eyes. "When we were in high school, I could have gotten any of you boys to do my homework for me. Not because I needed you to, but because I could. That's what I feel like I'm doing when I'm with you. I feel like I'm using you." Why, Mel?" Kevin whispered. "You're not using me if I let you." Because you deserve better than that," my voice started to quiver. He.
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