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"It's easy to just stay in them. They make it so we don't have to think about where we're going. We think the ruts will just take us where we want to go." So people are in these ruts, believing things that may not be true, and not really thinking about what's going on in their lives. That's so sad." Lacey sighed."It can be," said Claire. "But change is very hard. Look what happened to you when you bounced out of the ruts you were in."Lacey's reaction was slightly different than Claire thought it might be. Her patient smiled."I'm glad I got out of the ruts I was in," she said. "This has been very difficult for me, but I know I'm in a better place than I was. Isn't that strange? I was raped, and in a terrible accident ... and yet I'm actually glad it happened. That's just so strange!" Not strange at all," said Claire firmly. "It simply means that you're dealing with the circumstances that fate has visited upon you. Hope and joy and love are stronger than the bad things. You've. "I smiled at him. "That's OK. My mother doesn't look at my report cards. A girl, making it on brains? Completely doesn't get the concept. All girls have is a body. I told her the other night that she just thinks I'm as dumb as a rock because she is. I got slapped for that, too. Anyway, that's her thing-your body is all you got, so sell it to the nearest bidder. Lily Woodard would really blow her mind, huh?" Ed managed a grin at that."Amanda asked me yesterday why I freeze up when I get touched. This is why. I've had it drummed into my head for so long that my body is to be used for men's pleasure that the programming kicks in, even though I know intellectually that it's bullshit. This is why I'm scared of my own shadow. This is why I hated parading my body around naked. Ed, I don't even play with myself. I can't. I used to, a little, before I lost my virginity. I think I'm frigid. Amanda told me she liked it when guys played with her while she was in the program. I get no pleasure out.
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