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St Peter was at the gate and said, “However good you were to your wife that is the vehicle you will get in heaven.”The first guy comes up to the gate and says, “I never, ever cheated on my wife and I love her.” So St. Peter gives him a Rolls Royce.The next man comes up and says, “I cheated on my wife a little but I still love her.” He gets a mustang and drives off into heaven.The next guy came up and said, “I cheated on my wife a lot.” He gets a scooter.Next day the guy that got the scooter was riding along and he saw the guy who owned the Rolls Royce crying.He asked, “Why are you crying you have such a nice car?” and the man sobbed, “My wife just went by on roller skates.”Phone Operator: “G’day mate ... Helpline here ... What’s theproblem?”Customer: “I’m in the Outback with the girlfriend and she’s been stungon her thigh by a hornet and now her vagina has completely closed up!”Australian Telephone Operator: “Bummer!”Customer: “Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.”One day, a man came home. I suffered from a bad reputation of losing crew members faster than most of the other tank commanders and I hasten to add it was more the luck of the draw rather than any spirit of “gung-ho” risk-taking.*(1)Cat-4 (General IQ testing that had “Category-4” as the lowest intelligence classification). The average score in this group put the subjects in a class about the same as the average intelligence of mentally retarded students in a public school system.I was in charge of our “orders” which were typed on two strips of carbon paper so narrow that I was concerned about losing them in the chaos of the moment. I put them in my zippered pocket right over my heart behind the metal cigarette case that I stupidly hoped would stop an AK-47 round coming my way from courtesy of some unknown sniper that probably couldn’t read or write and never bothered to wipe his or her ass for lack of either paper or concern about walking around with a shitty ass.A pesky tiny girl with dirty bare feet and a.
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