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Let them think they’d woken a sleeping man. Let them feel a little guilt. ‘Chris?’ It was Andrea’s voice. He was wide awake now. ‘Andrea? It’s late. Why are you calling.’ ‘Listen, Chris. I’m sorry it took me so long. But, I finally did it. I really did it!’ She sounded giddy, like someone on caffeine pills or a kid about to take their first rollercoaster ride. ‘Did what? What did you do, Andrea?’ She was silent a moment, and when her voice returned she sounded confused. ‘You know. It.’ Oh, he thought. Shit. Was she trying to be funny? ‘Andrea, knock it off. Let me talk to John.’ She giggled, a high pitched sound that would stay with him a long time. For years. ‘It’s okay. I did it. It’s over. I’m coming to be with you. You and William.’ ‘I don’t understand.’ ‘We’ll be a family again!’ Another giggle. Like a little girl, he realized. She was giggling like a little girl. ‘Andrea, what the fuck are you talking about?’ His mind was rolling now. Was this a prank? Her idea of a joke? Did. According to our demographics, they figured that we should have six midgets living here. They sent enough money so that we could finance the building of homes and let the ‘little people’ pay less than the going rate for rent. Since we have only one ‘little person’ living here it turns out that he won’t have to pay anything for the only house we built, the subsidy covers everything. We call it a “Stay Free Mini Pad”.My wife was in labour with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Can’t!” “Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife!” I cried. “It’s perfectly normal” he reassured me “She’s just having her contractions”.Murphy came home plastered for the third night in a row. His wife dragged him to the window, pointing to the blazing lights of the big distillery in the distance. “See how big it is?” she said. “They can always make it faster than you can drink it”. “Maybe so” said Murphy “But I’ve got ‘em working nights!”A.
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