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I thought it might be fun for us to do it together. While I paid for them, we did one and never went back. Just never found the time, I guess.But now I thought about it, she never did that for me. Each year she just demanded an email of links for items on Amazon and that was that. There was no thought. There was no concern. There was the act of the purchase, but I did all the work for her. She didn't think about a gift for me at all. She just clicked the link, put in the credit card info and that was that. Gift giving done.I was just suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. We were done. All that I had found out came to a head and the realization that she had already internally moved on was there. Love me? Bullshit. She might love me in some way, but the love of her life? He was in some apartment down town. She loved me like ... like I loved Paul. OH FUCK.That realization – that I was Paul in this marriage – that just totally pushed me over the edge. I just dissolved into tears. I'm not. Not just a peck but a full blown kiss. When he parted I could do nothing but stare at him, did that really just happen or was it my imagination? All I could focus on was his lips, they tasted amazing, oh how I wanted more. This time he put his hand behind my head not forcing me towards him, I happily leaned in. This time we parted lips and pulled on each others lips, teasing each other wanting more and more. I grew hungrier by the minute for him. What was I doing?! “Stop” I called to him. When he pulled back he looked worried. “Whats wrong?” “Are you sure about this.” With his usual cheeky smile he replied. “Ive never been more sure.” He rested one hand on my lap drawing circles with his fingers. Both of us rocking back and forth across the handbrake. It wouldn’t do, in this car it was not comfortable. “Wanna go inside?” he asked. All I had to do was smile. The engine shut off and the doors were locked his hand rested on my butt cheek leading me to his house. It didn’t take him long.
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