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For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely”. On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?” “He said you’re going to die” she replied.Teacher: “Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people’s lives?” Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king.I bumped into my ex in town earlier. I said “How’s your new bloke?” “He’s twice the man you are” she sneered “what about your new woman?” I said “Thankfully she’s half the woman you are... ?”Our eyes met across the candlelit table. She looked so beautiful. I felt my knees go weak, my heart began to race and my stomach turned. ’ ‘Well, I don’t blame you for wanting to give her a second chance then. Grace and I both really like her and if you’re not going to hold a grudge I don’t see why the rest of us should.’ Oliver’s head was swimming. He’d had too much to drink. ‘Not that we have anything against Lindsay. She seems like a really nice girl too.’ Oliver sunk his head in his hands. They were getting nowhere. Their arguments for and against each woman kept on coming back full circle. ‘This would be the point where I would usually take a serepax,’ Oliver said. Nicholas laughed. ‘Well, seeing that you’re in my house let’s do it my way and break out the top shelf bottles.’ He went to the liquor cabinet and brought back a bottle and two fresh glasses. ‘Oh god. It tastes like burnt dirt,’ Oliver cried when he tasted the latest single malt scotch. Nicholas laughed again. ‘Come on, man up Ol. Your dad gave me this bottle. It’s only fitting you should drink it with me.’ They drank and talked well into the night. At.
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