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"The shades went back down. "I'll leave that side of things to you, honey." Any special requests?"She pondered the question for a moment, then murmured, "Asparagus, because it makes my pee-pee smell strong, a ripe mago (I know something terribly naughty you can do with a ripe mango) and as much Prosecco as you can carry. And hurry back!" She blew me an air kiss.The market was teeming; not with tourists but Venetians. This was where they bought the best (and the cheapest) fresh produce, often taking all day to cook it before bringing it to the family table.I staggered up six flights of stone stairs to our apartment. By the silence on the dusty landings that I crossed on my way up, we were probably the only people living in this crumbling old mansion. Alicea was still fast asleep on the sofa. "What kept you?"Local trade union dispute. No return varorettas. I had to walk." Well, let little Alicea fix you a drink." Jumping up (she was completely naked), she snatched a bottle of fizzy wine. The real thing! Someone had gone through the trouble to make a "promise paddle." (Promise Paddle: Oak paddle with one inch holes drilled in it.)There was one small flat box and two good sized ones, one big one was labeled, "For when he's gone." Yup, dildo. The other big box read, "For when he's bad," Butt Plug. Big one too."I'll be good!" I yelled.The hit of the day was the label on the small box, "For when she's gone." Inflatable sheep.Where do these people find this stuff?The Sheriff presented Wendy with a little .32 LadySmith. "for your purse, little lady." I got the box of shells."SPEECH! SPEECH! SPEECH!!."I manned up, "You guys asked for it."I've been in love with this woman since she was 12" 11," she said."Ok, 11," I agreed. "We're getting married in three days right here in this court house and his Honor is doing the deed! ... don't look shocked, Judge ... you know this has been coming."We don't want or expect presents and the party is at the Moose Lodge ... the booze and food.
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