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We had three daughters, and I guess I hadn’t done my share of the parenting. As she got older, the transgressions got more serious. Once, when she was eighteen, she came home very drunk. She had gone out with her girlfriends, and they apparently dropped her on the porch and left. The ruckus she made trying to sneak into her room woke me. The next morning we had our biggest argument ever. I tried to explain how vulnerable she could be when drunk like that. She promised not to go out drinking again. Her grades weren’t good enough to earn her admission to a top college, and certainly not good enough for a scholarship. To save money, and give her a better chance at graduating, I insisted on having her stay at home and attend community college for at least one year. It was far cheaper than paying for a dorm and sending her away, where there would be more distractions. She was very unhappy. “My real dad left me money to take care of college! That was MY money, not yours. I want to move out. However, she had rocked just a little too hard so that she flipped slightly backwards and got stuck with her butt sticking straight up in the air. It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.'Gladys!' he exclaimed.' For heaven's sake, comb your hair and put your teeth in ... You look like an asshole.'Police Report!!!!!Husband:My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...Sergeant at Police Station:What is her height?Husband:Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.Sergeant:Weight?Husband:Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.Sergeant:Color of eyes?Husband:Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.Sergeant:Color of hair?Husband:Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.Sergeant:What was she wearing?Husband:Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.Sergeant:What kind of car did she go in?Husband:She went in my truck.Sergeant:What kind of truck was it?Husband:A 2016 Ford F150 King.
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