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Iwas also afraid of spending the rest of my life as a woman. I mean, I'ma man. Until I jumped over to your world, it never entered my mind tobe anything but a man. And then I met you and Leeanna and, suddenlythere were choices to be made, choices that affected other people. Iknow what I wanted but they were conflicting things. I wasn't certainabout my own capabilities. I ended up choosing the known over theunknown. Yes, I still had a job to do here. People to punish, but thatwas a convenient excuse. I couldn't even admit this to myself untilnow. Do you understand what I'm talking about, Johnathyn?"I did. The fear of losing what you are. I did not understand whatAlexia was experiencing in my world until I came to hers. It isfrightening."I do understand about possibly losing yourself. I feel it myself rightnow." I thought you might. Hard to avoid under the circumstances. Lee seemsimmune." It's all just a big adventure to her, though she does want you back." And I want her back. And. Through it all she has stayed strong and as always I was so impressed with her strength. One Thursday she called me and asked me if I thought my parents would let me go with her to her family’s lake house. I told her I would check with my parents and I spoke with them over dinner. They were very hesitant at first and after dinner my mom called and spoke with Elizabeth’s mom. It was Elizabeth’s grandparent’s lake house on a lake about an hour away. Her mom offered to drive us and to stock us up with groceries but we would be alone for the weekend at the lake house. They were still hesitant but knew I had been going through a lot and thought I could use a relaxing time away. They finally agreed telling me that they might come to the lake house at any point to check on us. I agreed. I was excited by the idea of getting to go to a beautiful lake with Elizabeth. I had to admit I was a little bit surprised she wanted to go there alone with me but I was really excited. Lord.
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