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"I just can't guarantee that I can be here at fixed times. I am in school, and I don't want my parents to find out in any way either." I continued. I had turned the invitation from André and Mike into an open application. And felt that they no longer had 'power' over me."Come and see me Saturday afternoon...", stammered André with a confused look in his eyes. "Go get a drink for yourself, Robby.", Mike said, somewhat nervously. "And then come and sit with us for a while. The weather is nice, and we will start up the Barbecue in a moment.", Mike said as friendly as possible. "Just put me a sausage on the BBQ. Watch out, because a burnt cock doesn't taste good.", I said to relieve the tension from the whole situation. That worked, because they laughed and I got toasted by the men.I went inside disappointed with the whole situation. And took a seat at an empty table with my back to the bar and the entrance door. I had to process André and Mike's reactions. The young bartender sat down. She made me, a non-believer, a doer of evil, and a doubter of human good, a believer in love at first sight, a believer that there is a God, and a believer that one day I would win her heart. Full of myself at 17, I thought I knew everything, I knew nothing. Only, I wanted to know her. I loved her, wanted her, and needed her in my life. Yet, from fear of rejection, I could not even approach her. Instead, I dated her best friend, Arlene. I hoped, perhaps, by dating her friend, my daily interaction with one brought me closer to the other, somehow, and in some small way. It was a convoluted attempt to win her affection. I was pathetic. Still, we hung out together, double dated, and even attended the prom together. Not at all fair to Arlene, all the while and every night, I drifted away with Aileen in my thoughts. In my dreams, my pillow became her lips. At night and every night, while I dreamt my dreams of her and of passion, she was mine. I watched my friends, lesser lads than me in.
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