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When she returned, she found Claire in the kitchen busying herself baking."Where are Jody and Laura?" asked Shanti already knowing the answer."Out for a drive," answered Claire, tears still visible in her eyes."She'll be here at eleven-thirty. I made it late so Laura and Jody would probably be in bed," said Shanti with a lifeless voice which belied her true excitement.Claire winced."I'm sorry," said the younger woman. "I know much of this is my fault..." No," Claire interrupted, "I'm getting exactly what I deserve. I didn't have to let you seduce me, have sex with you, but I did. I've always been weak and now I've put my whole life, our children, our happiness in jeopardy."Tears began flowing amid great sobs of grief."Why do I always screw things up? When we were first married, I almost destroyed our marriage with my drinking and affairs. Now I've cheated on my husband again, driven him to prefer other women in his bed. Why? Why must I always destroy what I want the most?"The last. I grinned a little at that. Then I saw the way he held and looked at my little girl (of course it was a girl — I had no doubts) my heart melted. It was funny in a way — I was jealous of my little baby! No one had ever looked at me with that kind of love.When little Silvia started nursing I felt a sudden sense of calm, of peace. For the first time, I felt like I might be healing, not my body but my heart and soul. When I picked her up to change breasts I looked at her for a minute. Even with the milk drooling out of the corner of her mouth she was such a perfect angel. The thought came to my mind that this was how God balanced the scales: the horror of what the professor had done and the miracle of this beautiful Silvia in my arms.When we were back at the house, David (after what we had gone through together, I couldn't call him Mr. Chance any more — Dave seemed too close and Davey was Missy's pet name for him) kept surprising me. I thought he would be awkward around the baby. Fairly.
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