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I don’t believe that. I think racism is alive and well in America. It’s gone undercover, that’s all. A lot of people think I’m paranoid and just need to lighten up. They think I’m a madman with outdated ideals. I’m far from it. I’m your best, last and only line of defense against the racists, the sociopaths, the man-haters and the monsters of humanity. I know that there are women out there who’ve hidden a diabolical device inside their vaginas to hurt unsuspecting men in the worst way possible. I was aware of the existence of this diabolical machine long before some foolish men in Hollywood made a movie about it. That’s why I don’t sleep with random women without inspecting their plumbing. It’s not just AIDs and unplanned pregnancies that you have to worry about anymore. The world is getting worse. I also know all about racist white people’s movements, from the neo-Nazis to the Knights of the Ku Klux Klan and the New Reich. Did you know that white women are the fastest-growing. “I don’t suppose you could tell me where the nearest men’s room is? I’m having a serious bladder attack.”“I’ll do more than that,” he said. “I’ll show you, because I need to go too.”He went into a back room for a moment, then returned. A middle-aged woman emerged right behind him and said, “Don’t be too long, please. I’m right in the middle of a polishing job.” She regarded me with a subtle look of suspicion.But the young man didn’t notice and motioned for me to follow him. We headed off down the hallway.We chatted as we walked. He talked about the struggles faced by the jewelry store, and how their latest survival scheme fitted around bejeweled cell phone cases. Considering how often I dropped mine, that didn’t sound like a workable idea, but I didn’t tell him that. I didn’t want to diminish his hope. Our conversation enlarged to include the mall. I told him my stories about hanging out at the mall as a kid, and how wonderful it had been. I wondered where young people hung out.
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