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I was a hormonal teenager when I fell in love before. Somehow my love for you, and probably for anyone who may come later is more measured, less intense but rock solid. I like it this way.’ And that was that. We slept. As far as I remember (which isn’t necessarily saying much) we never discussed our relationship again, apart from telling each other that we loved each other. Sunday morning we were awoken by the phone. It was David. ‘Sorry to wake you. I’ve been trying to find you all weekend. Our man in Sweden has found your woman. Do you fancy a trip to Stockholm on Tuesday?’ I did not have to think for long. David promised to get the airfares and book a hotel. ‘Your woman is living in Vasteras, about an hour’s drive from Stockholm. Tell you all on the way. Tomorrow I’ll let you know the time of the flight, you are coming back tomorrow?’ I assured him I was returning the next morning and he chuckled and rang off. We were awake. What does one do with one’s lover when awake on a Sunday. Not even the same asshole I was a year ago.”“Oh, God. No.” I look at Tom and he’s shaking his head at me. “You wouldn’t.”“What are you talking about?”“You want to try again with her. Valerie.”I snort. “What? That ship has sailed.”“Don’t you fucking dare try to get her to come into your room tonight or our friendship will officially be over.”“Tom, I don’t—”“You do. You’re always going to love her. You’re always going to regret her. And you’re never going to have her. That’s the end of it, do you hear me?” He gets up and stares down at me. “I have forgiven a lot. You know that. Don’t make this harder on me, please.”He sees a relative waving at him and forces a smile, leaving me behind.I’m anxious. This is typically when I’d cast my net and find the most available girl here, take her outside and fuck her or something. Get it out of my system. But I feel Valerie’s eyes on me sometimes and it feels like such blasphemy to do something like that here, near her. It feels wrong touching.
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