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This is not the story of how I died, but how I survived after I died.Therefore, my story begins at the beginning, on my deathbed. How can I describe how it felt to die of cancer? I won't try, but I will to say that no painkiller was worth a damn as I lay there in my hospital bed waiting for the end, while the carcinomas were gnawing their way through my guts like a feeding scavenger. I drifted in and out of wakefulness, only sometimes aware of the beeping of the heart monitor, only sometimes noticing the intercom in the corridor paging doctors, and only sometimes hearing my daughter Nancy's sobbing and sniffing as she sat in a nearby chair. We had already exchanged our last words. There was nothing more to be said. Why, then, was she still here? Because she couldn't bear to leave. That was a good enough reason. My son Jason had left some time earlier. That was all right, too. He had always been uncomfortable expressing his feelings. I couldn't blame him for being true to himself,. I was looking at her face when I made a shocking realization. How could I have been so stupid? It was Eliza, the girls I’d fallen in love with at secondary school five years earlier. Suddenly everything seemed so complicated. What should I do? Dare I keep her here? I’d been infatuated with her but had never worked up the guts to say it. She was popular, charming, intelligent and funny while I was a nerd with nothing really except intelligence. It was doomed to failure from the start and I cursed myself time and time again for falling for such a perfect girl. I covered her over with a big warm blanket and added a few extra pillows. I could sleep on the couch if need be. I looked at her face, now at peace after her terrible ordeal. I could still see the glistening tear streaks in the grime on her face. I gently bent down and with the knuckle of my forefinger, brushed them away. Then I bent slightly lower and placed a tender, gentle kiss on her cheek. Her skin was so soft and I felt.
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