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And you thought of the time you made Jimmy Himack climb up on the rail of the bridge and jump to his death. All these years you had been trying to force something to happen, as if there were some other will who would resist you, and make your strongest efforts futile, but the secret was that there was no resistance. What you willed to happen would happen, so long as you didn't fear that it wouldn't. All you had to do was tell the other person to do something in a clear and direct mental voice, without any doubt or hesitation, and they would do it. All this time you had been sabotaging yourself, getting in the way of your own abilities. It was your own doubt that prevented you from attaining the heights of the highest ecstasy.But the trick lay in the moral hesitation. So many of your conflicting desires contained a seed of moral ambiguity. If you had been taught that it was wrong to do violence to another, then how could you tell some asshole who is kicking the shit out of you to go. That should be more than enough time to suck Lucas's cock!Unfortunately, I was reminded of that fucking butt plug when I climbed out of the car. I had been right about how much I'm going to hate it. It almost took my breath away when I stood up. And not in a good way!I swung my legs out, held my breath and pulled myself up out of my low slung little sports car. I grabbed my quilt and my purse and locked the car. I took a few deep breaths and tried to relax my ass. I know that if I stop thinking about it, if I relax, it won't be so bad. But knowing it and being able to accomplish it aren't always the same thing. I knew I was walking stiffly as I made my way to the door but I started to adjust when I began to get distracted by thoughts of sucking Lucas's cock and thinking less about that thing in my butt.I entered the front door of the huge building and was pleased to see Lucas standing at the desk along with another guard I've not seen before. I smiled at Lucas and said, "I'm earlier.
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