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“If this was my place, I’d never ski,” she giggled. “I’d be right here in this big tub with my glass of vino all day long.”“Would you like to try it out?” I asked, half-joking and yet half-serious.Savannah smiled and quickly reminded me that she was in ski gear, not beachwear today.“Ahhh, who needs a swimsuit?” I teased.Savannah shyly replied that she didn’t think that my idea would be an option.Making one final attempt and prodding her a little harder, I pleaded, “Oh come on, you can leave your underwear on. I’ll do the same. It will be totally innocent, I promise. And after all, this seems like the perfect opportunity for you to be more adventurous and push those boundaries a little.”I could tell Savannah really wanted to say yes but was fighting the inner battle to allow herself to do something so flirtatious, while her boyfriend skied alone out there somewhere, thinking that she was doing the same.His stinging comment from earlier though, which I’d used so artfully against him,. ‘It was like the second she got pregnant she became this monster…’ or ‘She no longer wants to be intimate with me, and when she does it’s like she isn’t even there.’ or ‘She doesn’t seem to care about her appearance anymore.’ or sadly, ‘She lost all ambition. She’s just… stagnated.’ Because of this, as a single woman I vowed to find a man who I could love even if never changed. One I could marry and be happy with forever just exactly the way he was. I knew there was nothing special, powerful, or worthy in me which I could use to demand such change, to make someone willing to change for me. I also promised myself that once I’d become the woman I wanted to be (still having no clue what that was) I’d stay like that forever. I’d always do whatever it took to keep my husband happy, to never give him an excuse to find love or affection elsewhere. I dedicated myself to becoming someone lovable, someone desirable, someone worth marrying. For every obvious flaw I had physically or in my.
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