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"Ladies andgentle..." he falters as he looks around and sees that he is the only man inthe auditorium. You join in the tittering as he starts again. "My fineyoung ladies, my name is Quentin Barlow and I am the headmaster of theBarlowe School For Boys down the road from this fine institution, and assomeone unconnected with this school I have been asked to be an impartialjudge. It will be my privilege to measure each of the members of thesophomore class here at the Meadowlark School For Young Ladies. While allgirls wear corsets, of course, this school prides itself on the disciplineit imposes on its students to maintain their looks and their figures. ThusI understand that you have taken tight-lacing to the ultimate limit andyour graduates have the smallest waists of any girl's school in thecountry."To that end, may I ask that any alumni present please stand up?"A loud rustling of many yards of taffeta followed that request as perhapsa hundred women in the audience stood up.You stare. Then I turned my attention back to my phone.“I’m handing the phone to the interpreter, Carl.”I nodded. This was not the usual method, where we had mutual interpreters and so forth. We just didn’t have the time. After a moment of fumbling around, I was greeted, “President Buckman?”, “Prime Minister Erdogan, thank you for talking to me. I have just heard about the attack on your hospital, sir. You have my sympathies and those of my entire country. This is a horrible action. I promise to help you rebuild it, sir, even better than before.”“Thank you, President Buckman, but that is not why I asked to speak to you. I have been talking to your Vice President McCain and wish to offer our help. Saddam Hussein, he is...” Suddenly there was a vitriolic attack from the background that I couldn’t understand. It seemed that Turkish was a fine language to cuss in! After a moment, the translator continued, “Saddam Hussein is a mad dog and a monster who must be stopped!”“Your assistance will be most.
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